I recently separated from my boyfriend of many years. We’re still friends and didn’t break it off because of drama or anything like that, but after several years of being romantically attached I’m now single. I’m taking advantage of my newfound solitude to strengthen my inner core, not my abs (yet), but my will and drive and focus.

Solitude is a really marvelous thing. It’s kind of uncomfortable to acknowledge you’re a solitary being on your own journey because it doesn’t feel safe. Embracing that requires you step up to the plate, pick up the bat, and swing for what you want. It requires you to do that again and again and again and if you don’t you will yourself to sit on the sidelines and watch an empty field that could be filled with home runs.

(Photo credit: Dan Corbett)

I’ve recently discovered the only way to enjoy solitude is to love yourself and that I have not loved myself in a while. I love other people, I love the feeling of sunshine on my skin, I love the ocean, I love laughing with friends and family and I love home cooked meals. I love a lot but I’ve neglected loving myself for a long time.

(Photo credit: Dan Corbett)

A lack of self love is hard to recognize when you’re being loved by another human being because they help to fill that void. On the other hand when you’re in a relationship with someone else you still need some solitude and a ton of self love, and I believe it’s vital to learn to embrace self love whether or not you’re in a romantic relationship. Also, although Hollywood routinely shows us accomplished men as solitary figures and women as partners to them, it’s a journey worth taking no matter what your gender.

(Photo credit: Dan Corbett)

I’ve been practicing self love, in the past four months or so, by bringing things I loved to do when I was a kid back into my life: martial arts, writing poetry, and traveling. I’ve been spending more time with my friends, specifically female friends and that feels so good and safe and fun. I’m completing projects I’ve had in limbo for years. I’m noticing that by allowing myself to do things I love I’m more eager to connect with people I love and actively engage with the world.

I believe the path of solitude and self love, over time, leads you through the hero’s journey. If I’m honest, I’ve been afraid to actively love myself. I’ve been afraid of how powerful that is and how radically I’ll change my surroundings. That fear of self love undoubtedly has held me back in my creative career as well. However I’m now determined to love myself into a vibrantly creative life and hopefully I’ll give back and inspire people along the way. I’m in the midst of my own hero’s journey. 💛

I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going.